W*nker! W*nker!
Ivor Biggun is my name
W*nking is my claim to fame
To hit the bathroom ceiling is my aim
A week ago last tuesday I got just above the window frame
If you look carefully you can see the stain
I’m going to wank until I paralyze my brain
“You don’t think I’m getting obsessed with all this
m*sturbation bit do you?
You don’t think I’m a man obsessed, do you?… You don’t
think there’s anything strange about me…”
I’m going to w*nk until my Read more…
“Can you ‘ear me mother?’
“Some bloke come up to me and ‘e said
‘I’m a w…ank”
“When I’m cleanin’ windows”
“He winked his ass’ole in and out
He made his balls inflate
‘Til they resembled the giant globes
That stand at the garden gate”
“‘Ere, what ‘ave you got in your ‘and?”
“Ooh, you are awful, but I like you…”
John Thomas Allcock
He had gigantic g*nitalia
He lived next door to mother
Then he buggered off to Australia
And nine months later I was born
And the midwife upped Read more…
“The man they call the Pharoah of Filth
The man they call the Maestro of M*sturbation
The man with the stickiest handshake in Croydon this
evening…
Mr. Ivor Biggun”
“Croydon I love you. Good evening Croydon!
I’m in the mood tonight
I’m feeling horny tonight
I’m feeling so horny that
The crack of dawn had better watch it
That’s how horny I feel
Alright… here we go…”
Well I feel like w*nking
Feel like w*nking all the time
I said I feel like w*nking
I Feel like w*nking all the time… Read more…
My baby loves my Yorkshire pudding
And that’s all right with me
She knows my puddin’ is a good ‘un
‘Cause it stretches down to my knee
When it starts steaming
You can hear her shout
“Ooh I love it with the gravy running out”
My baby loves my Yorkshire pudding
And it’s a loving recipe
My baby loves my big black pudding
And she can have a piece for free
It ain’t no vegetable spud ‘un
It’s meat most definitely
I keep it bubbling
I serve it hot
“Ooh that Read more…
Cats on the rooftops
Cats on the tiles
Cats with s*philis
Cats with piles
Cats with their a*se’oles
Wreathed in smiles
As they revel in the joys of f*rnication
Now the donkey is a lonely moke
He very rarely has a poke
But when he does he lets it soak
And he revels in the joys of f*rnication
chorus
Now an elephant’s ball is big and round
One of them weighs a thousand pounds
Two of them together shake the bloody ground
As they revel in the joys of f*rnication
chorus
Now the Read more…
“The man they call the Pharoah of Filth
The man they call the Maestro of M*sturbation
The man with the stickiest handshake in Croydon this
evening…
Mr. Ivor Biggun”
“Croydon I love you. Good evening Croydon!
I’m in the mood tonight
I’m feeling horny tonight
I’m feeling so horny that
The crack of dawn had better watch it
That’s how horny I feel
Alright… here we go…”
Well I feel like w*nking
Feel like w*nking all the time
I said I feel like w*nking
I Feel like w*nking all the time… Read more…
The reason I’m not athletic
Isn’t just my muscles or feet
Or lack of co-ordination
Or reluctance to compete
I must confess it’s more the way
The blokes in the showers all cackle
And point at me when I display
My undersize wedding tackle
It’s a compact, economy version
It’s the best that I can do
But Santa, if you’re listening
Here is my request to you
All I want for christmas is a… great big dong
Not too ostentatious, just fifteen inches long
I’d strap it to my ankle Read more…
My baby loves my Yorkshire pudding
And that’s all right with me
She knows my puddin’ is a good ‘un
‘Cause it stretches down to my knee
When it starts steaming
You can hear her shout
“Ooh I love it with the gravy running out”
My baby loves my Yorkshire pudding
And it’s a loving recipe
My baby loves my big black pudding
And she can have a piece for free
It ain’t no vegetable spud ‘un
It’s meat most definitely
I keep it bubbling
I serve it hot
“Ooh that Read more…
Cats on the rooftops
Cats on the tiles
Cats with s*philis
Cats with piles
Cats with their a*se’oles
Wreathed in smiles
As they revel in the joys of f*rnication
Now the donkey is a lonely moke
He very rarely has a poke
But when he does he lets it soak
And he revels in the joys of f*rnication
chorus
Now an elephant’s ball is big and round
One of them weighs a thousand pounds
Two of them together shake the bloody ground
As they revel in the joys of f*rnication
chorus
Now the Read more…
“Ladies and gentlemen… thank you…
we proudly present, live form the Kharzie-Au-Go-Go,
Wapping,
the incomparable Judge Dread and the incompetent Ivor
Biggun
Take it away lads…”
“Good evening Mr. Biggun”
“Good evening Mr. Dread
It’s nice to see you sober”
“I thought that you were dead”
Before your eyes we’ll exercise
That rumpy-pumpy beat
A brand new workout
Physical jerkout
This’ll get you off your feet
Bonkola, bonkola
exercise for the knob (knob knob)
Bonkola, bonkola
Good to be on the job (knob job)
Now I’m a w*nking wonder
With a muscular right arm
Thudding on the Read more…
